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Showing posts from 2015

Life has got to get better than this: Reflections on what I really want

Life has got to get better than this. I am tired, so tired I am stressed And I don't feel very present to life's miracles I feel like I am failing at life. My house is a mess. My Job is overwhelming, and I don't have enough energy to do it well. And my do list is forever longer than the hours I have to do things. Most days I really don't want to Adult-up. But my kid is happy. Eats nutritional food most of the time. Laughs much more than I do. He has Joy. He has life figured out (or at least for today). He plays, eats, sleeps, and explores the world. He doesn't know how not to be present. So what is Success ? What does it look like to be Successful (beyond the money definition)? What does it mean to have Joy, to truly be Present and have Joy ? My life is at a crossroads. I am unexpectedly pregnant (thus the so tired). My plans for my life are not going...well not the way I planned. My life is on the verge of something very powerful, my life is

Unplug and Sink In

I was given a rare gift today. I gift that I treasure more than I knew I would. Today I have 24 hours to myself. No baby. No Hubby. No Dog. And I love these three more than I love anything, and love spending time with them. but I am also loving this quite I am experiencing. I love asking myself, what do I want to do? I love being able to think. The husband took the baby and dog camping, and I have to work. so I get a little me time. And work is a welcomed change that adds energy to my life. I get to create the school year I want. I get to connect with awesome teenagers. I get to have an impact. At first I was like, what do I do? I have a to do list that could compete with Santa's good/bad list. I constantly complain that I have no time, that I am too busy. That need to get things done. And I do need to get some things done. And tonight I am choosing not to. I am choosing to recharge. To sink in.  To sink into me. I NEED this. I NEED to reconnect with me. Give me a littl

Mamas need yoga. Yin Yoga.

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I am starting a journey of really look at my life, my use of time, and my spiritual, mental, and physical health. I am overwhelmed. Tired all the time. Over committed. Yet have a true desire to fill the roles I have love and have chosen. Mother. Wife. Daughter. Sister. Friend. Teacher. Yoga Teacher. Mentor. Housecleaner. Cook. Reader. Gardener. Homesteader.Yogi. Blogger... the list goes on.... I find myself asking all the time.. How do people have clean houses? How do people have energy? How do people focus? How do people finish any given task? How do people function in this world of too many roles and task, and not enough time? I am on summer break for crying outloud, yet my moments of true relaxation have been few. I want real moments. I would to be present with the people that fill me up. I want to be surrounded by people and things that give me energy. I want feel energized and alive! Geeta Iyengar in her book Yoga: A Gem for women says that "Motherhood is a woman'

Edgework. Seattle

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It's been a long time since we traveled for the cultural experience. For "the interview" the husband (boyfriend of 6 months at the time) and I took a 4 week trip in Central America- Mexico, Guatemala, Belize. Chicken buses (and yes they do have chickens, even at 2am), couchsurfing, hard floors, and more chickens. This was my first trip that I found my traveledge, but at the end of the trip we were more in love than when we started and we knew we had a good thing. Not saying it didn't take me a few tears to get there, but for us, we found hard moments bonded us. This is a lesson that we could remember more often. For myself I found that, I prefer traveling on the local scene. TravelEdge: that place where you feel uncomfortable, where you may or may not be in danger. That you grow as a person and learn something new about your self AND something new about someone else. There are many ways for someone to find their edge while traveling.   Airports, unexpected ch

Darkness. and Light

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Imagine... Having the "perfect birth" but not feeling connected to your babe Imagine…            Having lots of support and help, yet feeling alone Imagine....            Breastfeeding, the thing every woman is "supposed to be able to do", being so painful that tears and toe curling accompany his every cry Imagine…            So badly wanting to connect with your new baby, but just not sure how to get there. Imagine…            The thing that is supposed to connect, to bond, a mother and her child being the very thing that you hate Imagine…            6 weeks of blistered, bleeding, raw nipples Imagine…            Every time your tired eyes close imagines of self-harm flood in, Red, but knowing that there is no intention of wanting to die Imagine…            Feeling Crazy Imagine…            Being so Overwhelmed that all you can do is rock and cry Imagine…            Being so Exhausted that you can’t see straight Imagine…

Part 2: The Birth - Grace, Love and Surrender

My Birth Story – Grace, Love and Surrender The Graceful and Not so Graceful moments of a Home-birth My Birth is a story of Community. Of Healing. Contractions started around noon on Thursday I was immersed in Gratitude as I wrote thank you notes. I was so excited…Here we go…I finally get to see his beautiful face!!! 5:30 pm With a cough, I felt trickle and my water had broken. The contractions got stronger and I could not sleep. I tried laying this way and that, but they were about 5-10 min apart and took all of my focus to get through. I found refuge in water, I laid in the tub for hours, and slowly my labored slowed to a halt. My husband tried to sleep off and on because I knew I would need him later  Through the tub held a great, sacred space, and despite me and tub trying our hardest, I was not able to progress. I needed more support and sleep. By 9:00am Friday morning (Good Friday) my labor had completely stopped. My midwife said with rest labor

Birth Story Part 1: Gathering the Tribe

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It takes a Tribe.... To raise a mama I had the home-birth I wanted, and this is because the support that surrounded me. The hard work that was done. My birth story begins way before I ever had a contractions. Before I could even feel my baby move. My birth team had many people....   a community . It started with the breath.      A daily practice.   Mediation and yoga.                                  This was my Rock throughout pregnancy and prepared my mind and body. I taught yoga, so that I could focus on my something beyond how sick and tired I felt. This saved me (from self pity). When I finally had energy, I started to attend   prenatal yoga . These women became the first members of my birth team. The keep ups, let me know that I needed to move and breathe. That music would allow me to sink in.  My teacher had so much compassion and love, and she became so much more than a teacher. She became a friend. Her hugs are healing. My Mid-wife .