Ventures in Mamahood

Celebrating Mother’s Day I have thought about sharing this story so many times. But it is hard to share it. It makes me vulnerable, exposed, and maybe even seen. But it’s been a year and there has been so much healing, and I think I am ready, and yet I am scared. I share this story because I hope that other moms, other people, find a bit of hope in their struggle. I hope they find a bit of brave, strong, and resiliently. This week, this Mother’s Day, is very important to me. This Mother’s Day is a celebration for me, because I have come alive. I have come into my strength, power, and self-love.  But Before finding my power, there was a lot of pain and suffering and feeling alone. A lot of hopelessness. This year I am so grateful to be alive and so grateful that my 2 beautiful boys are healthy and doing well, and here is why. A year ago I had called my therapist on a Sunday and asked if I should go to the ER and admit myself to a 48 hour hold. Partly because I thought...

I feel like I have had the same story for over a year... Exhausted, depressed, tired, skinny baby, blah, blah, blah But I think we may have turned a corner, I think we may have a light in our tunnel (it really felt more like a cave). While we were surviving the past few months, and yes it literally felt like surviving was the very best we could do, I wish I could have heard that this pain, this exhaustion, this overwhelm was temporary, that one day it won't be like this. I wish I could have seen that one day my boys would be able to play for 5 min while I shower or wash a few dishes. Or that one day having two kids so close in age would be a gift, that their love for each other would bring a huge amount of joy. I wish I could have known that one day we would move from surviving to doing ok. That things would get better, because they have to, because things can't stay like this forever. As in, it is actually impossible for things to stay dark forever. Physics will no...