When Things Fall Apart

When things fall apart
My tendency is to Cry, to Shake
To sometimes not get a out of bed for a week, to wallow in self pity
To Blame
To Collapse

And today things are Falling Apart
Our plans, deals, and life seem like they are falling apart
We found out our house is worth a lot less than we thought
Because county records on square footage have been wrong for 30 years
30 years!
So not only is our house worth less, but we have been paying more in tax - Thanks El Paso Country
But when the government is wrong, there isn't as much you can do to hold them accountable

I am angry
I am lost
I REALLY want someone to blame (someone that is not myself or my husband)
I am groundless
And Mostly...
I am up to my eye balls in boxes and mess, so far into this process of moving that I don't even know how we would back out of it

But Sometimes there isn't someone to blame
And you can't hide or lay in bed for a week when you have kids
Sometimes there is just a situation that sucks
Sometimes there is just a hardship that has to be overcome

So today instead of falling down and refusing to get up
(after much shaking and crying and screaming)
Instead of Collapsing
We went for a walk
We watched a sunset
We paused

And we connected on this walk
We looked into each other's eyes 
We saw each other
We grounded down in each other

The best marriage advise I had ever received is that sometimes conflict isn't about being right or winning (Sorry Trump winning isn't actually the most important thing), 
but rather walking through the conflict together so that you can be closer 
Overcoming conflict together so that you have more trust, not less

And it doesn't always work this way
But Sometimes it does work 
And I am finding serenity in this moment where it did work

And that has been the coolest part of this messy, crazy, stressful process
My husband and I love each other more now than ever
We are closer now than when we started packing boxes
We are finding intimacy in the mess, 
because we are trying very hard to be on the same team
And we have two beautiful angel boys that remind us that life is going to be ok
And it works out, always, some way, some how, it works, 
even if works differently than we planned

So when things fall apart, and when plans fall apart, can we fall together? Can we hold each other in the mess of life?

Sometimes

Comments

  1. Kaitlin you are an amazing writer. Keep it up. I loved reading this and yes everything you have written is soulfully true.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Beautiful and such a great reminder for all of us. Thank you for sharing. Hang in there. Hugs and Love ~ Taffi

    ReplyDelete
  3. Beautiful and such a great reminder for all of us. Thank you for sharing. Hang in there. Hugs and Love ~ Taffi

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Life has got to get better than this: Reflections on what I really want

Edgework. Seattle