Ventures in Mamahood

Celebrating Mother’s Day I have thought about sharing this story so many times. But it is hard to share it. It makes me vulnerable, exposed, and maybe even seen. But it’s been a year and there has been so much healing, and I think I am ready, and yet I am scared. I share this story because I hope that other moms, other people, find a bit of hope in their struggle. I hope they find a bit of brave, strong, and resiliently. This week, this Mother’s Day, is very important to me. This Mother’s Day is a celebration for me, because I have come alive. I have come into my strength, power, and self-love.  But Before finding my power, there was a lot of pain and suffering and feeling alone. A lot of hopelessness. This year I am so grateful to be alive and so grateful that my 2 beautiful boys are healthy and doing well, and here is why. A year ago I had called my therapist on a Sunday and asked if I should go to the ER and admit myself to a 48 hour hold. Partly because I thought...

I just got out of a yoga class and the words that describe my experience and sensation was equilibrium, that I felt balanced in the body, heart, and mind. And I thought how rare it is that I actually feel this present.  We are constantly searching for equilibrium. Such as, I didn't sleep well the night before so I ate a whole bar of chocolate (by 9 am) or maybe I didn't sleep well so I drank a whole pot of coffee. Or maybe those emotions are hard too feel, so I won't feel anything. We are consistently looking to feel okay. In our society it feels like we avoid the darkness, that we rather not dabble in it, that we rather spend all of our time in the light. Or at least we would love our Facebook and Instagram to look like we are light. But we need both the darkness and light to feel balanced.  And the best part about being willing to stumble in the darkness is that not only do we get to go inside and know ourselves better, but we get to trust ourse...