Part 2: The Birth - Grace, Love and Surrender
My Birth Story – Grace, Love and
Surrender
The Graceful and Not so Graceful moments
of a Home-birth
My Birth is a story of Community.
Of Healing.
Contractions started around noon on Thursday
I was immersed in Gratitude as I wrote thank you notes.
I was so excited…Here we go…I finally get to see his beautiful face!!!
5:30 pm With a cough, I felt trickle and my water had broken.
The contractions got stronger and I could not sleep. I tried laying
this way and that, but they were about 5-10 min apart and took all of my focus
to get through.
I found refuge in water, I laid in the tub for hours, and slowly my
labored slowed to a halt.
My husband tried to sleep off and on because I knew I would need him
later
Through the tub held a great, sacred space, and despite me and tub
trying our hardest, I was not able to progress. I needed more support and sleep.
By 9:00am Friday morning (Good Friday) my labor had completely stopped.
My midwife said with rest labor would return, and she was right.
So we ate, slept, and walked.
On the walk I felt a gush and thought it best to call my midwife when
we got home.
At 2:00pm She came and checked me. She said that his head was REALLY in
the way. That I had progressed to a 2 and that we had done good work. Her prescription-
REST. And then she said let’s have this baby tonight. I guess Lewis heard that
part.
So as she walked out the door my contractions returned with vengeance.
My mother had brought us lunch – Chipotle. (
My husband decided that going to the store would grantee a progressive
labor. So he left for 30 min and my mother thankfully provided counter pressure
with every contraction (every 5min or 2min or 10min).
Every contraction felt very intense. I felt myself moving away from the
contractions, moving up not down.
As soon as my husband returned I peed and puked at the same time. This
is when we should have called the midwife or at least blown up the birth pool!
At this point, I doubted my ability to have a home-birth, I doubted my
endurance, I doubted my strength. I doubted myself as a mother.
Humility.
I asked my Doula for support.
She asked me to count my contractions. I had such a hard time focusing.
I was in active labor, but because of my inconsistent labor pattern she
thought that this was still pre-labor.
I took a shower (to wash the pee and puke off).
I got out of my own way, out of my head.
I sank in.
Into my body, Into my contractions, Into TRUST.
Absolute Surrender
My body birthed my baby with the support of my amazing husband and mom.
My husband put on some music and set the scene. And at some point I yelled I hate this song (not so graceful).
Grace
He would move me from birth position to birth position.
“You’ve been on the ball for 30min, now it’s time walk”
“You’ve walked for 30 min, its time to do hands and knees.”
With every contraction my mother or husband had my back. Counter
pressure saved me from needing to go to the hospital, literally.
They supported me with their hands.
Their hands helped Birthed my baby.
Love- Unconditional Love
My contractions had become 90 secs long and back to back.
They were such good birth partners, that I didn’t even realize I was in
transition.
At some point I got sick of peeing myself and moved to the toilet (less
than graceful).
THIS is REALLY when we should have called our midwife and set up the
birth pool.
I was on the toilet and with every contraction my mom was there with her hand.
I was pushing and had no idea.
It was my mom's hand that gave me strength.
It was very karmic and healing for both of us that her hand was the hand I held while bringing my son into this world.
We (she and I) are just now beginning to understand the significance of this. We healed my mother's emergency C-section that brought me into this world with a natural and unmediated homebirth.
At some point I realized that I might be pushing (I reached up and could feel his head). And thankfully my loving husband thought of preparing the bed.
I called to David- "I think we should call Jess."
He asked my mom if she could see his head and she nodded yes, trying not to be in too much shock.
Conversation with Midwife
David:"Kaitlin think's she's crowing"
Midwife:"Crowing?!?!"
Kaitlin(screaming from bathroom): "Tell her to get here now!!"
(midwife runs out the door)
And then my engineering husband calculated whether or not he could catch a baby on the toilet. He thankfully decided no and coached me onto the bed.
6:30 pm (4 hours after active labor started) I was on my hands and knees, when the midwife walked in. She tossed her bag down and coached me through my last push. (The birth pool was still in a deflated pile on the floor).
No, my birth was not what I had planned.
No, my birth was not one of those captured perfectly for a homebirth video.
But my birth was what I needed. What my body needed.
I heard him cry and I knew...We did it.
My community birthed my beautiful baby boy.
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